Letting Go
by jatelove
Summary: After Jake get's killed by the hit and run, Jason has to put his life back together. With Sam by his side and some of the other important characters,  Sonny/Brenda, Carly, Liz, Lucky and more  he learns to let go, forgive and embrace new beginnings.


_**This story is a JaSam story. It will include other couples and other story lines but will mostly be centered on JaSam. This story begins after Jake's death and after Jake's kidney is given to Jossilyn. Pretty much the same storyline that the writers have going on now but I'll be taking over with my ideas and what I would like to happen on GH. I own none of the characters, and have no affiliation with abc or GH. I am simply a JaSam fan and would like to see their relationship grow and flourish a little bit more. I would appreciate all comments, criticism, suggestions, and reviews. Please read and review. Those reviews really keep me going. -jatelove**_

He felt an empty void in his heart and soul. He had no more tears left. Only pain that wasn't relieved. He had hardly known Jake but that didn't stop him from loving his son like no other. He was his first born and his only son. Now he was gone. Elizabeth and him had made a mistake, although he would never call it that. Yes he had made the mistake of getting involved with Elizabeth. But Jake was not a mistake, he was perfect. He had thought that he could keep his son safe by letting him go, and he had been wrong. He had made the decision to let go of Jake and now he had lived to regret it.

He did not regret the fact that Jake had grown up with parents that loved him dearly. Lucky had been a great father, a better one that he might have been. Jason refused to believe that Lucky was a better father than him that's why he always thought _might_, for the simple reason that Jason simply did not get the chance of being father. It was he who had refused to be in Jake's life but sometimes he wondered if he would have been a good father.

He tired to be a father to Michael and so many things had gone wrong with him. He had killed Claudia, he went to prison, he was raped, he was having so many conflicting emotions, and now the latest one he wanted to be part of the mob. He had only been involved in Michael's life and this is this how he had turned out. He was an overall good kid, he loved his family, he was loyal, almost too loyal and he was smart even though he refused to believe it. But the simple fact was that he simply was exposed to too many things and the life of the mob at too young an age; no one could blame him for wanting to be a part of it now. Same thing would had probably happened to Jake.

Jason did not know how long he had been in his pent house. It was dark out now and all he knew is that he was here when there was still light out. The concept of time no longer existed just pain. He thought about how time could turn into pain but did not know when it happened or how it happened, just that it was his reality now.

He turned to the left, and was facing the fireplace now. There was a fire that he started when he first came in but didn't remember. It was still roaring and he was surprised. On his mantel was a shrine to the people he loved. First there was a picture of Sam and him, she was laughing head back in total laughter. He was not facing the camera he was giving her a kiss on the cheek, his eyes closed. Those were happier times. Then there was a picture of Emily. His sister who had died a few years back. He still missed her and wished she was around when he needed the advice of someone who had no prior judgements or bias. Then it was Lila, it was a small picture of his grandmother and it was in black and white. Someone might not even see it if they were just glancing but the picture was always there and it will always be there. Brenda had somehow managed to get a picture of Sonny and herself on their wedding day up on there. If he wasn't so destroyed he probably would have laughed. Then it was Jakes yellow motorcycle. It was his favorite. He found that out at the hospital when Elizabeth let him play with Jake. He had no pictures of Jake just a handful of memories and that motorcycle.

His phone rang and it interrupted his thoughts. It was Carly. It was about the third time that she had called him today. He simply ignored the call. He couldn't speak with her right now, or anyone for that matter. Carly was feeling guilty about Jake and Jossilyn getting his kidney. He wished that she would believe him when he said that it was completely Elizabeth and Lucky's choice but he knew that Carly did not believe that one bit no matter how many times someone told her.

He simply threw another log in the fire and laid on the couch. He hoped sleep would come to him looking at Jake's motorcycle.

Carly was looking at her phone again. Debating if she should call Jason again. He didn't pick up the last three times that she called. She decided against it. She put the phone down and looked at her daughter. Tears began to well up in her eyes, her baby girl was going to be okay. She was going to survive and it was all thanks to Jason. Well she did not and was not in any way, shape or form devaluing the decision that Elizabeth and Lucky had to make. She knew that they were the ones that signed any type of paperwork, but it was Jason's biological son. Without Jason, Jake would not have been conceived and could not have saved Jossilyn.

"Hey" Sam came in the hospital room. "How's the little princess doing?"

Carly looked up and wiped her tears. "She's perfect" she answered as she smiled.

"I'm glad" Sam said coming closer to Jossilyn. She stroked her blond hair and smiled looking down at her in her crib.

"How's Jason?" Carly was asking a little nervous as what to Sam might answer.

Sam answered with a sigh at first. "Well let's just say that he's doing as expected. He's talking probably to make me at ease more than himself. I don't really want to push him because of my history with Jake and Elizabeth. I'm trying to find the balance of being there for him and not being to overbearing, or overstepping my boundaries."

Carly gave a sarcastic chuckle. "That is where you and I are the most different. I would not care about stepping over any boundaries. What boundaries? I love Jason as I know you do, you should be there for him regardless. "

"It's not like I don't want to, I just feel it's still a sore subject." Sam said.

"Jason has forgiven you, why don't you forgive yourself?" Carly asked a little exasperated.

"Sometimes I don't think he fully has." Sam simply gave a weak smile at this answer. She sat down on the rocking chair in the corner and exhaled.

"I don't mean to pry into you and Jason's relationship or anything..."

Sam let out a hearty laugh. "Somehow I doubt that" she said still laughing.

"Jason has lost his son," Carly was back to all seriousness. "Have you ever considered giving him a child?" Carly said with her eye brow up in curiosity as she carried Jossilyn out of her crib.

Sam stood quiet for a while. Simply looking at Carly and Jossilyn. The picture of them, the two of them, both the exact same blond hair, same eyes, same smile, a little resemblance to Jax's, but only a little. She wondered if Lila had been born alive, would she have resembled her. Would she have had her black hair, and smile, or brown eyes. Finally she said; "I have come to accept my circumstances. For years I have been told I can't have any children and I have accepted it. Besides Jason and I, the lives we lead. Not convenient for a baby."

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you? Maybe Jason?" Carly continued to pry.

"I got to go." Sam simply smiled and got up.

"Think about it" Carly said as Sam walked out if the room.


End file.
